May 1st: Tom’s thoughts and feelings for today

Making me down: The seemingly slow progress of the last two weeks, with
the yearning for the feeling of water down my throat, and for the taste of fruit. The lack of ability to communicate along with being in the only room on the ward without a TV. A bit frustrating missing the football and hearing it indistinctly from the speakers of other patients’ TVs out on the ward.

I have been guilty of feeling sorry for myself. I have been helped to remedy this by thinking of people who who are worse off than me. A physio told me of a four-year old girl who was in a car crash and her spinal injury has lead to her having a ventilator for the rest of her life. This puts things into perspective.

I have been thinking alot about Sebastian my uncle who was one of the most energetic, charismatic people I have ever known.

Picking me up: The comments on the website which I want to thank everyone for. I will avoid mentioning specific ones as there are so many that are special.
Thankyou to the Stanley family for the digital Radio, mum for reading to me and dad for the collection of entertainment systems, which give me a welcome distraction from the danger of circulating thoughts.
Thankyou to everyone who has sent me cards. They have brightened up the room. Thanks for the balloons from the ECE department at Brunel that are still inflated.

The effects of the fevers and the chest infection have eased off and the consultants are considering further progress in terms of getting my voice back and weaning off the ventilator.

My uncle Felix (Susie’s brother) came to see Els and me today, with Susie: he has written a comment about the visit…you can see that we had a great conversation.

14 thoughts on “May 1st: Tom’s thoughts and feelings for today”

  1. Hello Tom and Els,
    Looking forward to seeing you at the weekend. Life has gone completely crazy over the past few weeks and I’m now so busy that i never seem to get home before midnight so I’m writing this comment from work (sneaky).
    I started my official full time job yesterday (1st May) as editorial assistant to shiny Media (mainly for and You may be aware that a cheeky supermodel from Croydon designed a collection of clothing for Topshop which was launched this week. Somebody Moss? Anyway, we had to write a lot of coverage of the whole palava, this included sitting outside Topshop Oxford Circus for 5 hours on Monday. Wild. We were at the front of a queue of over 3000 people which was incredibly surreal. We bought loads of clothes (for work, not for fun) spending nearly £800 which was nuts. Was weird, I sat there thinking how ridiculous this is and how the country really has gone crazy for consumerism. Yesterday we tried on all the clothes, took photos, videos etc and then got the afternoon off as a thanks for our hard work. Getting paid to play dress up???? Am i even awake?!
    This may seem like a pointless story to tell but I thought it might distract you for a lil bit thinking how insane fashion really is. Oh, Liverpool beat Chelsea last night on penalties meaning they will be in the Champions League Final! Hoorah. I was in the flat on my own jumping around. (I know, loser).
    See you soon xx

  2. Hi Tom

    Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. Had sooooooooo much on. Bloody uni. Handed in the dissertation yesterday tho so only the exams to go now!!

    I’ve checked the site everyday though and it is great to see you’re making progress. I know it’s gonna be slow and painful and that none of us can really have a clue how you’re feeling but just know that soooooo many people are thinking of you mate. It’s not just people posting on here either mate. Ivan, Dan Conway, Henry Little and so many others are all asking after you – everyone is praying for your recovery mate.

    such a shame you didnt get to watch the football last night. Great fun seeing Jose’s face at the end! HA. Just need United to do the biz tonight now. And incase you didnt know, the mighty Oxford are in the conference play offs and may play in the final at wembley on 20th May, how cool is that!!

    Anyway, keep strong and things will hopefully slowly improve. I’m waiting on your brother to let me know when you’ll be up for visitors – would be great to see you.

    Take care


  3. Hi Tom

    Sorry to read that things have been getting you down a bit recently. I’m sure there will be highs and lows for you in the course of your recovery. I’ve been regularly reading your website and I think you’re doing really well. Mum’s been asking me for updates on your progress too so I’ve been keeping her informed until she gets her computer working properly.

    Stay positive, we’re all thinking of you. Love to you and your family.

    Love from your cousin, Zoe x

  4. Hello Tom…
    Now first off i must apologise to you- as so many others have for the amount of time it has taken me to transfer this comment. Both Els and you probably know that me and computers just do not get on. Ive been thinkning of you and Els every day. Everyone in Bulgaria has been asking about your progress.. tutors, friends, Lilly,Sasha,Tech, Do love its, Lena and the Irish girls…. They all send huge amounts of love your way. Bulgaria is still as crazy as ever… endless parties in studenskigrad, cockroaches joining me in the shower, and another thing ….the dogs are dropping like flies! [hot weather i guess].I had a thought the other day Tom- remember i told you that joke- the one about the indian chief, the american president and the rabbit..? I found it the other day, made me chuckle. Only three weeks and a little bit left. Im looking forwad to visiting you when i return. Ill bring a few copies of the lastest heat magazine- dont want you getting out of touch with the old celebrities now! Stay strong and positive. So much love to you, and Els…..All my love and hugs …… Blod xxxx

  5. Hey Tom
    Sorry you are having a ‘down day’ and i think i is definately ok to feel sorry for yourself from time to time..No guilt required..! 🙂 Glad the physio’s are doing what they do best and helping to keep your spirits up!
    Good news about the football…George was ecstatic!! .. He too is in the middle of exams and assessments at the moment for about 4-5 weeks i think!
    I will be in to visit you just as soon as you are able to cope with a barage of visitors.:))) May even do some physio!! eeek!
    Love to Polly and glad to hear she is recovering well….love to all the family too….
    catchu later… Nicole xx

  6. hi ya tom,
    this is eadaoin from Bulgaria 🙂
    Els just emailed me your site.
    I would just like to let u no that were all thinking about you often over here and wishing all the best for you.
    myself and the other Irish girls have another month left here.
    the english girls are going home tomorrow, the time is flying!
    It was lovely to meet Ellen and yourself over here,
    I would love to see yee again sometime.
    wishing you all the best.

  7. Hi TOm,

    Good to hear Polly is fine.
    Looking forward to seeing you & Ellen when the time is right for visits. I’m trying to get a collection of audiobooks together you might like.
    Havent’ really got any news except that I’m going to Levanto for a week this saturday to collect a few jellyfish stings & some sunburn. Lots of people from Levanto have been sending you best wishes & love via my inbox – i’m not sure the concept of blogging has yet hit home in Italia…

    Hello to everyone (Ollie, Raj etc.) hope things are going well


  8. Hi Tom,

    We really enjoyed hearing from you on the site. Keep up those positive thoughts, as it is completely understandable to feel down about things. Glad to hear that you have such a great team of physio therapists to keep you going. Hope the television situation will sort itself out soon. Nothing much to report from Geneva except that Emily (friend of Josie’s) and I are going to go visit Gillian and David and the kids at the end of this month. We are so excited! We miss them so much and emails and phone calls just don’t make up for not being together. Will try to send you some photos of our trip – am sure there will be plenty of goofy ones to share with you and Ellen. All the very best to both of you.
    Mary Lyn

  9. Hi Tom,

    Sorry I haven’t posted earlier, only found out about the website yesterday. Isaac was up here in Manchester and we were chatting about you, oli and “ye good ol’ days” up in your attic when he mentioned it. Not been doing much as you might expect from a first year uni student apart from lots of constructive bumming around…..although I have been working dam hard on my drinking and have made huge leaps in that particular field, shaving whole seconds of my personal best in the 568ml beer race that is held on regular occasion down at my local bitter suit….suppose thats is part of the well rounded education I was promised in the prospectus. Anyway just wanted to let you know i’ve been thinking of you. Keep staying positive.

  10. tom – it’s tom. I guess for the first time ever i’ll let you off and i’ll be called ‘tom2’. There are just so many of us! Just heard from Sean that along with tom moore at college, next year there are two guys joining … both called tom. It’s a total joke. They must have some kind of fixation or something. But then who wouldn’t eh?
    I’ve finally managed to get on after endless times simply coming on here and reading the comments and updates and looking through your pics. It looks great. Really nice to see. So, sorry for not getting on sooner.
    I’ve just got back from bulgaria visiting jen. She’s well and we had some good times visiting different places (other than the pit that is studentskigrad) Everyone there including me and jen send all the best to you, els and your family. You were the topic of conversation (good conversation!) very often and we were thinking of you lots. Despite missing our oppotunity in bulgaria i’m sure the four of us will see each other very soon with plenty of crazy stories of fat bulgarian women doing strange things at bus stops. Maybe i’ll tell you one on here soon. I’m sure you can’t wait! I often think of when we left the girls at the airport and travelled back together – the things we talked about – it was all good stuff. Positive stuff. About our work, what we wanted to do and the future. I guess that positivity is something to keep track of. I’m sure you are. There’s a high probability that arty girlfriend is reading this to you now – what a nice reading voice she has! Don’t you think? (apologies if you are not ellen!) Anyway, anyway….i’m just rambling now but I just wanted to say hi and I hope you’re bearing up. You’ve got a lot of love and support from so so many people who haven’t even got onto this site yet it’s unbelievable. All the students and tutors at the college included. Love to you and ellen
    Keep it up big

  11. tom!forgot to say – i’ve got a great little framed picture for you from Tech. It’s very sweet – she’s written a note with it that’s in syrilic (no idea how to spell it!) I’ll have to get it to you asap.
    ok, going this time!

  12. hey Tom,

    Well its been a long time and it seems rather rubbish that the reason im making contact is due to a very difficult and painful moment of your life. I won’t get to serious and technical as laughter is the best medicine. I just really wanted to say how much ive been thinking of u and all the family and how amazing it is to see the progress you’re making. Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts, ups and downs and general progress.

    Lots of love,

  13. Tom! Hey, this is Bill Hannon, sorry to hear about all this, keep the spirits up man! I may be in the UK in June and I’ll see if I can swing some free time to visit.

  14. hey tom, i’ve been meaning to write on here, but never know what to type, but always make time to keep myself up to date on your progress. I am glad to here that the infection in your lungs has gone and it sounds to me that you are in the best possible hands up there in Stoke Mandeville…
    College hasn’t changed, working me hard and everyone else to. I have been a group leader now for nearly 3weeks on this year’s puppetry project, it’s very scary and i will have to deal with budgeting soon. Not to mention having to use Microsoft Excel, aaahhh…which I haven’t used since GCSE and I wasn’t very good at it then, my group are fantastic and have been designing at a rapid speed. Next week we will begin the making process and that will mean longer hours and weekends included.
    I’m glad you have so many friends and family supporting you and helping you through this. I’m always thinking of you and els and have defiantly got my fingers plus toes crossed on you getting better, and you better or else…
    Love you lots and els too. I know that both of you are very strong people and put together you make an even stronger team, I’m always with you both…els you know what I mean!!
    Massive hugs jeany

    By the way I’m loving the pictures of you, especially your very trendy eye watching video device…note to santa I think. Oh and that tube up your right nostril is very fetching too.

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